Advice and support for you and your family if your child is being bullied or involved in bullying.
What is bullying?
Bullying is when someone is deliberately hurtful to someone over a period of time. The person being bullied usually finds it difficult to defend themselves. There are different types of bullying, but these are the main ones:
physical: hitting, kicking, taking belongings
verbal: name calling, insulting, making offensive remarks
indirect: spreading nasty rumours about someone, not including them in social groups
Worried your child is being bullied?
Bullying is a serious problem and can be very upsetting for both you and your child. Children may find it hard to talk about being bullied or bullying others. You may not be sure that your child is being bullied, but there are some signs that may suggest there is a problem. Look out for:
excuses to miss school, such as stomach complaints or headaches (or your child may be skipping school altogether)
torn clothes, school things that are missing or broken or lost money
more bruises or scrapes than usual
signs of stress - being moody/silent or crying, or bullying a younger sibling or friend
bed wetting (in younger children)
a change in eating habits.
There could be other reasons for these symptoms, so don't jump to conclusions. Is there anything else bothering your child? Have there been changes in your family like a new baby, a divorce or separation?
Bullying at school
Schools want to tackle bullying and to work with parents to do this. If you are worried that your child is being bullied at school, the first person to talk to you is your child’s class or form teacher.
In serious incidents, for example when your child has been assaulted, you may need to think about contacting the police as well as contacting the school.
If the bullying continues and you are not satisfied with the teacher’s response, move on to the year head (secondary school), deputy head or headteacher. Ask for everyone to work together to sort things out.
If your child is still getting bullied and you are unhappy with the lack of progress at school:
You can ask to see a copy of the schools anti-bullying policy to make sure it is being followed. Ask your child’s teacher or the school office for a copy.
Arrange a meeting with your child’s teacher or a senior teacher to discuss what can be done. Schools should be able to give you a date for a meeting within a few days even if the meeting can’t take place straight away.
If you are still not satisfied, you need to follow the complaints procedure of your school. Ask the schools for a copy of their complaints procedure. The first step would be to write a letter of complaint to the headteacher. For an example of what to include in a letter to school, see bullying at school letter on educationletters.co.uk. See our complaints about schools page for further guidance on the process of complaining about a school.
If you are unsatisfied with the outcome of your complaint you should write to the chair of governors with a copy of the original letter.
If you have followed the school’s complaints procedure and are still unsatisfied, you can contact us for further support. Schools and governing bodies manage their own complaints and are not legally accountable to the local authority, but the Children, Young People and Families Directorate wish to help schools and parents to resolve bullying concerns in the best interests of the young person concerned. You can contact using the details on the right.
Support for you and your child
Bullying can have a distressing effect on children and their families. Whether your child is being bullied or is bullying others, you may want support to help you deal with this.
Parentline Plus
Parentline Plus gives advice to help you support your child, work with your child’s school and what to do if you have problems trying to sort things out. Their leaflet, What can I do if my child is being bullied? (pdf format, 337 Kb), gives detailed advice on helping your child if they are being bullied or bullying others and who to contact for further help.
You can also phone Parentline Plus for free, confidential advice on anything to do with being a parent, including bullying, 24 hours a day on 0808 800 2222. Visit their website for further information at www.parentlineplus.org.uk. Their 'Be Someone to Tell' campaign (www.besomeonetotell.org.uk) gives you the chance to share information and learn from other parents online.
Advisory Centre for Education
The Advisory Centre for Education provide advice for parents and children on all school matters. Contact them on 0808 800 5793 or visit www.ace-ed.org.uk. They provide a free leaflet for parents called tackling bullying.
Children's Legal Centre
The Children's Legal Centre provides free legal advice on all aspects of the law affecting children and young people including bullying. Contact them on 01206 873820 or visit www.childrenslegalcentre.com.
Bullying relating to prejudice and difference
Many children and adults are bullied because they are seen to be 'different'. This is referred to as prejudice-driven bullying. It may be that your child is seen as different because of their race, religion or culture, sexuality, gender or because of any special educational needs or disabilities they may have.
Some children are singled out by bullies because they are overweight, affluent, deprived, in care or young carers themselves, or for a variety of other reasons. Sometimes the person bullying cannot even explain the reasons - they just perceive their target as 'different'.
If your child has a diagnosed disability and has been bullied, the school should take this into account when dealing with the problem.
If you feel the school hasn’t done this you can get further advice about disability discrimination and how to deal with it by contacting the Equality and Human Rights Commission Helpline on 0845 604 6610 or visiting www.equalityandhumanrights.com for information.
Schools have a duty to develop a disability equality scheme to show how they are meeting their duties to promote positive attitudes towards disabled people and eliminate harassment.
Parent Partnership Oxfordshire
Parent Partnership Oxfordshire provide free and impartial information, support and advice to parents of children with special education needs and disabilities (ages 0-19). Contact them on 01865 810516 or see our Parent Partnership pages.
Family Information Service
Oxfordshire Family Information Service provides a broad range of information to help parents and carers support their children (ages 0-20) including information on locally-available parenting support. Contact them on 08452 262636 or visit www.oxoncis.org.uk.
Cyberbullying
Bullying via the Internet or mobile phone is known as cyberbullying. Young people rely on their phones and the Internet to chat and stay in touch with their friends and need to be aware of how to stay safe. Parents can help by understanding the risks and supporting their children.
www.thinkuknow.co.uk is a website promoting safe use of the Internet, providing advice on a number of issues, including cyberbullying. In some circumstances it provides the option to report abuse directly to the police via the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (www.ceop.gov.uk).
Childnet
www.childnet.com is an international, non-profit making organisation working to “help make the Internet a great and safe place for children”. Childnet provide advice for parents and young people.
For young people
Big Voice Oxfordshire
www.bigvoiceoxfordshire.com is a website about hearing the rights, views and voices of children and young people in Oxfordshire. It contains a section on bullying.
www.spired.com is an Oxfordshire website provided by our youth support services. It includes advice for young people on how to deal with bullying and how to keep safe on the internet.
Oxfordshire services
If you are concerned that bullying is having a serious effect on your child’s wellbeing the following services are available locally.
Face to Face
Face to Face is a free, confidential, counselling service run by Oxfordshire County Council's Youth Support Service for young people aged 9 – 19 living in Oxfordshire. Bullying was one of the top 10 issues for young people who received counselling in 2008. Call 01993 892424 (24 hour ansaphone).
Primary Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (PCAMHS)
PCAMHS (Primary Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) is a service for children and young people under the age of 18 to help with behavioural, emotional and mental health issues.
They offer between 1 and 6 sessions and aim to work with children, young people and their families at the earliest opportunity to make sure problems don’t get worse. Referrals, with the consent of a parent/carer and their child, can be made by any professional working with them (GP, health visitor, social worker, teacher etc.)
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